


down and out

by sepsner



Category: South Park
Genre: Fluff, Fluff without Plot, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Mentions of sex work, Older AU, Oneshot, karen is in there a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 17:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16497422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sepsner/pseuds/sepsner
Summary: Kenny needs to let loose sometimes. So after a night out, he thinks he'll be crashing on Cartman's couch. Instead, he's face to face with a stranger and his bat.





	down and out

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my multiple one-shots written for NaNo! I might end up editing it once the month ends.

Kenny loved singing in the shower. He loved singing as he cooked. And he loved, loved, loved singing when he was drunk. Even out in public, Kenny would happily sing to himself as he walked the cold Colorado streets.  
  
“ _You don’t have’ta sit around, complainin’ ‘bout the way your life has wound up -_ ”  
  
Kenny hated drinking, mostly because his dad and his older brother did it around him and his sister when they were both so young. He knew how alcohol changed people. But sometimes, you get so fed up, so tired of everything around you, that you just need an escape. So Kenny got some cheap beer at a bar and got wasted.  
  
He’d never be drunk around Karen, fuck that. But that left him with an issue - Karen was at home. Kenny was drunk. Kenny didn’t want to be drunk around Karen. So Kenny couldn’t go home.  
  
Kenny leant against a wall. “ _Down, down, down, down,_ ” he mumbled to himself, looking around for a street sign. Where _was_ he? Wait, this was where Eric lived, right? Perfect! Kenny wouldn’t have to go home if he could just stay over at Eric’s place. He’d understand. His apartment was the third door down the street. Kenny staggered to it and went to press the buzzer when he realised the front door was left open. Well, he wasn’t going to pass this opportunity up. Even if Eric didn’t let him in, at least Kenny would have somewhere warm and away from the rain to sit.  
  
He staggered up the stairs, trying not to sing to himself. There was a difference between singing in the street and singing in someone’s hallway. Kenny wasn’t out to scare anyone. He reached the third floor. It was room… room… this one, right? Eric and Kenny were familiar, so, Kenny told himself, it would be fine if he just opened the door and headed inside.  
  
“Eric,” he called into the house, closing the door behind him, “it’s me!” He looked around the hallway. Wow, Eric’s house looked different. Kenny sauntered in. Did Eric get new carpet? The walls used to be yellow, right? Since when did Eric have a portrait of a family around a menorah?  
  
“Get out,” an unfamiliar voice said. Kenny turned and saw a stranger with an explosion of ginger curls, holding a baseball bat. “Get out of my house or else.”  
  
Kenny started to think this wasn’t Eric’s apartment.  
  
“Hey!” Kenny threw his hands up. Okay, Ken. You’ve gotten out of worse scenarios. But then, you weren’t drunk in those scenarios. This was a little worse. Just use your charm. “Honest mistake, my man! I thought my friend Eric Cartman lives here.”  
  
The ginger didn’t put the bat down. Actually, he somehow looked even more pissed off. “You’re friends with Eric Cartman? God. Damn it. Did he send you over here to fuck with me?”  
  
Kenny figured he should stop name dropping Eric. He had a reputation, and everyone had an opinion on him. Thus, everyone had an opinion on Kenny.  
  
“Listen. I’m drunk. I don’t wanna go home. I just thought I was walking into my friend’s house to crash on his couch.” Kenny took a deep breath, praying this would work. “Okay?”  
  
The ginger lowered his bat. Kenny sighed in relief. But he didn’t drop it. “Why don’t you wanna go home?”  
  
Kenny snorted. “You a therapist?”  
  
“No,” the other man replied, an eyebrow raised. “I’m a lawyer.”  
  
Oh, _fuck_.  
  
If there was anyone Kenny hated worse than therapists, it was law enforcement. Cops and lawyers - they were both scum. The amount of times Kevin was arrested for crimes he didn’t commit and the officers planted ideas and leading questions in his head to get him to confess to a robbery while Kevin was _actually_ at work… it made Kenny sick. This guy in front of him was the worst kind of guy. He’d probably beat Kenny within an inch of his life if he turned his back on him and still get off without punishment.  
  
“So why don’t you wanna go home?” He pressed.  
  
Kenny rolled his eyes. “I just don’t. Is that illegal?”  
  
“It’s suspicious  
  
“Jesus Christ.” Kenny sighed, dropping his hands. “I don’t wanna go home ‘cause I don’t want my little sister to see me wasted, okay? Because she sees her dad and older brother drunk enough already. Because she needs _someone_ to remind her that it isn’t normal. If I turn up like this…” Kenny shrugged. “I’ll go, okay? It was an honest mistake.”  
  
The other man frowned. He probably wasn’t expecting that answer. Hell, Kenny didn’t know what he expected in the first place. _I don’t wanna see my damn wife!_ or something like that? Kenny took a step backwards, still not keen on turning his back to the lawyer.  
  
“Hold on.”  
  
Kenny stopped mid-step. Just do what this guy says until you can get out. The lawyer dropped the bat and moved closer, Kenny’s heart beating a little faster.  
  
“Are you telling the truth?”  
  
Kenny smirked. “Do I look like I’m sober enough to think of a smart response to that?”  
  
The lawyer scratched the back of his head. “Look, if you wanna just stay here, that’s fine. As long as you don’t break anything.”  
  
“Are you… serious?” Kenny frowned. “You were just threatening me with a bat.”  
  
“I… yeah,” the lawyer laughed a little. Kenny didn’t think it was funny. “Well, I thought you were trying to steal things. Or maybe come and attack me. You know how people are about Jewish people these days…”  
  
Ah, yeah, the menorah picture. Kenny shrugged. So was this guy, like, a popular lawyer or something? To believe someone would break into his house to beat him up…  
  
“Plus,” the lawyer added, “you and I both know that Eric is a pain in the ass.”  
  
“Ugh,” Kenny laughed, “you’ve got me there.” He glanced over the lawyer. He wasn’t bad looking, even though he was probably rotten inside. “You work with him or something?”  
  
“Yeah,” the lawyer shuddered. “He undermines me, too. Sees me as his personal assistant or something. Kahl, get me more coffee while I finish this document! Like, no, fatass! I’m working, too!”  
  
Kenny laughed a little. “So, Kyle, huh?”  
  
“Oh.” Kyle cleared his throat. “Kyle Broflovski. I guess you don’t know who I am.”  
  
“No.” Obviously not. For someone who was a lawyer, that was a pretty dumb question.  
  
Kyle scratched the back of his neck. “I was the defense on the Hankey case…”  
  
“Wait-” Kenny leaned in. “Really? The one who decided halfway through to throw in the towel and admit that his client was guilty?”  
  
“Yeah.” Kyle shifted in place, seemingly embarrassed by this topic.  
  
“Why’d you do it? I thought lawyers were meant to defend their clients.”  
  
Kyle shook his head. “Lawyers are meant to defend people who are innocent. He was really… the worst. The more I found out about him, the less I could defend him.”  
  
“Huh.” Kenny blinked. For someone who was lousy and morally corrupt, Kyle was… decent. Of course, this one move didn’t tell Kenny enough to decide whether or not to actually trust him, but it was at least proof that Kyle wasn’t going to beat him with the bat in the middle of the night.  
  
“So,” Kyle folded his arms, “who are you?”  
  
“Oh! Kenny. McCormick.”  
  
Kyle frowned. Kenny could guess why. The lawyers in this town probably had McCormick on a blacklist. Guaranteed loss. Don’t represent.  
  
“I don’t have a criminal record,” Kenny explained. “Got put in jail overnight because someone thought I was a sex worker, but I got let out and nothing was permanent. I’ve been to the hospital a bunch, though. Is that illegal?”  
  
That didn’t seem to put Kyle at ease.  
  
“Fuck,” Kenny grumbled, stretching. “Y’know, it’s not too late to kick me out.”  
  
“I’m not gonna kick you out.” Kyle moved a little closer. “The McCormicks are a bad bunch, are you oka-”  
  
“First of all,” Kenny snapped, pushing his finger into Kyle’s face, “my family ain’t a bad bunch. Have you ever had to choose between buying clothes because your kids’ pants all have holes in or getting food? My parents have. Tell me exactly how much the supermarket chains lose from someone stealing a box of Eggos. Tell me how many families go poor if we take an egg from a carton. Second, I don’t need to be a charity case or someone’s project. I have enough on my plate as is. I’m not interested.”  
  
Kyle stepped back, shaken. Maybe Kenny shouldn’t have gone so hard, but he didn’t want to hear it tonight.  
  
“We’re not a bad bunch because we can’t afford to follow the law, so shut up before you even start.”  
  
Kyle looked at the floor. “Sorry, I didn’t…”  
  
“You lawyers never do.”  
  
Kenny thrusted his hands in his pockets as Kyle squirmed. Kenny figured he’d never been spoken to like that before. At least, not by someone so poor and unimportant as Kenny.  
  
Eventually, he broke the silence. “Where’s your bathroom?”  
  
“This one,” Kyle replied quickly, glad that the conversation was moving on. “I can get you pillows and a blanket for the living room.”  
  
Kenny moved into the bathroom and dropped his pants before sitting. He pulled his phone out and looked over his contacts.  
  
 **To:** Kare Bear  
hey little miss. i’m staying over @ a friend’s tonight. will you be okay?  
  
Kenny ran his fingers through his hair. He hated leaving Karen alone in that house. His phone buzzed.  
  
 **From:** Kare Bear  
Yeah, dw Ken. I’ve got Kev! Stay safe ok? I love you  
  
Kenny rubbed his eyes, trying not to cry. He loved Karen so much. The last thing he wanted was for her to turn out as jaded and nihilistic as everyone else.  
  
 **To:** Kare Bear  
i love you too  
  
Kenny finished his business and blew his nose. No crying in front of the lawyer. After washing his hands, Kenny left the bathroom and turned down the hall to the living room. Kyle was there, plumping pillows on his fancy couch. A blanket sat folded on one of the seats.  
  
“It’s all ready for you to crash,” Kyle said. “Do you need me to wake you up at any specific time?”  
  
“Whenever,” Kenny mumbled. He kicked his shoes off. “I’m unemployed.” Kind of a lie, but if Kenny admitted he actually _was_ a sex worker, Kyle might try to arrest him.  
  
“I was wondering why you were drunk on a Wednesday night.” Kyle moved out of the way so Kenny could lie down. “I’ll see you in the morning.”  
  
“Sure,” Kenny mumbled, throwing himself onto the couch. “Thanks.”  
  
Kenny was asleep almost immediately. It felt like he had only been asleep for ten minutes when a bang snapped him back to consciousness.  
  
“Hell!” He heard from another room. That wasn’t his mom’s voice. Wait, it was so bright in here. His house wasn’t bright. His neck hurt. Where was he?  
  
Oh, right. On some lawyer’s couch.  
  
Kenny rubbed his heavy eyes. Guess it was morning, despite how much Kenny wished it wasn’t.  
  
He staggered to the bathroom and checked his phone. Only 7% battery. Fuck. There was a message from Karen from half an hour ago, too.  
  
 **From:** Kare Bear  
I’m going to school. Will I see you after?  
  
 **To:** Kare Bear  
yeah i’ll pick you up  
  
Better reply late than never. Kenny did his business, then sauntered into the kitchen where Kyle was. “Morning,” he mumbled. “Got a phone charger?”  
  
“Oh, hey.” Kyle turned to face Kenny, apparently hiding something behind him. “Yeah. You can just use the one in my bedroom.”  
  
Kenny’s eyebrow raised.  
  
“Or… _I_ can put it in my bedroom.”  
  
Kenny handed over his phone and Kyle went off. Now he was gone, Kenny could see what he was doing. Where Kyle stood was two plates, both with eggs, bacon, sausages and toast on them. Was Kyle making him breakfast or something?  
  
“It’s charging.” Kyle noticed Kenny looking at the food. “Um, you want breakfast? I bet you’re hungover.”  
  
“You seriously made breakfast?”  
  
“Well,” Kyle replied sheepishly, “you said that… you know…”  
  
Oh. This was because Kenny let slip that his parents sometimes couldn’t afford to feed them. He frowned. “I don’t…”  
  
“You’re my guest,” Kyle interrupted. “And you look like death. So, please. Join me for breakfast.”  
  
Kenny shouldn’t. Every inch of his body, full of pride, told him not to. Don’t take a hot meal out of pity. Especially not from a lawyer. But his stomach was empty, and his head was pounding, and he might have still been a little drunk.  
  
Plus, Kyle had a face that Kenny liked looking at.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
Kyle looked accomplished. He moved the plates onto the kitchen table and poured them both some water, then gestured to the seat across from him for Kenny to sit down. He did, and didn’t hesitate in ripping into the food.  
  
“What’re your plans today, then?” Kyle asked, cutting his sausages like a civilised person.  
  
“Work, maybe.” Kenny shovelled bacon into his mouth. “Warehouse might have jobs today. If not, guess I’m not doing anything.”  
  
Kenny wasn’t watching to pay attention to Kyle’s reaction, but he heard him sigh. Probably thought Kenny was so poor, so pitiable, someone it felt good to feel sorry for. Fuck Kyle.  
  
“Maybe it’s better I don’t do nothing today. I’m gonna pick my sister up from school.”  
  
“Really? How old is she?”  
  
“Sixteen.” Kenny sighed. “Completely missed the chance to have a real childhood, which is bullshit. Least I can do is try to make her teens bearable.”  
  
“You could… no.”  
  
Kenny looked up. “What?”  
  
“I- you don’t want pity.”  
  
Kenny frowned. “What were you gonna say?”  
  
“I…” Kyle chewed on his cheek. “You could bring her here.”  
  
Kenny swallowed. This should have felt like pity, but something about the way Kyle asked was genuine. Maybe because he knew about the McCormick reputation? Kenny would have argued, but… well, Kyle’s place was clean. It had electricity _all_ the time. It was well lit. And it was stocked with food. It smelled good. The facilities worked. It was empty.  
  
Kenny’s jaw dropped. That was it. It was empty. “You’re lonely.”  
  
“What?” Kyle snorted, looking down quickly at his breakfast. “I don’t…”  
  
“You just invited a stranger who broke in to come back into your home and bring his family.” Kenny leaned forwards. “No one else lives here. You miss your brother,” God, Kenny hoped the kid in the picture was his brother, “and you’re not used to living on your own. You wanted the company.”  
  
Kyle sat in silence. Did Kenny push too far? Fuck.  
  
“... Kyle? Sor-”  
  
“Yeah,” Kyle laughed a little. “Sad, huh? I’m lonely. You don’t have to come over. Nevermind.”  
  
Kenny frowned. Kyle had let him crash and charge his phone, and now he was eating Kyle’s food. He took a deep breath.  
  
“Will you be in at 4?”  
  
Kyle looked up. “I… work from home today, so yes.”  
  
“Cool,” Kenny grinned. “I’ll bring my sister over, so make sure you make us some snacks. You have any video games?”  
  
It turned out that Kyle did have video games. Video games that Karen enjoyed. Karen enjoyed being in Kyle’s company, too. And, even though he hesitated to admit it, Kenny liked it, too. Maybe Kenny could come over more often.  
  
Maybe he wouldn’t even get drunk first.


End file.
